Watch Your Mouth Young Lady

I remember it well.

I’d make some snarky remark that may or may not have included a mild curse word and within seconds my mom would reply, “Watch your mouth, young lady.”

I am no longer a “young lady” at least in the strictest definition, but I’ve learned that it’s still important for me to watch my language, especially when it comes to negative “age-speak.”

Words Matter

Perhaps you’ve said them too, the cliché, self-deprecating remarks meant to explain some age-related observation. After a few years of hearing these slights, and using them myself, I’m starting to rethink how I think about my age, and how I communicate that to the greater world. For example:

“I’m having a senior moment.” Doesn’t this just mean that you’ve forgotten something—just like your 18-year-old grandson forgets his keys and locks himself out of his dorm?

“I’m starting to look my age.” Translation…I look old, tired and there’s nothing I can do about it. Absolutely untrue. There are endless resources for clothing, hairstyles, skin care and makeup routines that can support you in looking your best at any age.

“I’m too old to….” This is just fear speaking. There are ways to learn, adjust or modify almost anything. I have a dear friend who just attended her high school graduation—50 years later. Another close friend is studying to become a Buddhist nun. And another friend has shifted her dynamic energy from leading a family business to developing strategic plans for nonprofits.

“Anti-aging” Strictly speaking, we’re all aging from the day we’re born, so being against aging seems like being anti-living. That’s not the message we want to communicate about this bold and beautiful decade.

Or that old habit of shaving off a few years on your driver’s license. Do we think the police officer standing on the side of the road during a traffic stop really cares how old we are?

All of these are examples of ways that we diminish ourselves by playing into cultural biases that make the natural process of aging something to be avoided at all costs.

Ageism in the Office

Today, many businesses and organizations are making a concerted effort to address and eliminate ageism in the workplace by removing ageist language that diminishes or disempowers older workers. Terms such as “senior citizen,” “elderly” and “aged” are being removed from professional communications and conversations in place of age-neutral references like “older adult” or “person over 65.”

While I appreciate the effort towards more inclusive language across the board, I think the real change happens when we reframe how we speak about ourselves—which is a direct

result of how we view ourselves.

Positive self-talk at any age has a tremendous impact on how we experience life. While the benefits of speaking to and about ourselves in supportive and encouraging ways has been proven to increase happiness, fulfillment and productivity, the opposite is also true. Repeatedly call yourself “fat” and you’ll likely head to the drive-thru for consolation with a cheeseburger and fries. Tell your friends you’re too old to fall in love, and chances are you’ll isolate yourself from all sorts of social interactions and opportunities.

Tell the World—Aging is a Gift

Reframing how we speak about getting older is not about denying our age. Rather it’s about refusing to be defined by a number on a birth certificate or the amount of time it takes to scroll backwards in the date field of an online form. Having the language to navigate life transitions is important because our brain believes what we say. When we consider the rampant history of negative and outdated stereotypes thrust upon people who have the privilege of living a long life, why wouldn’t we choose to speak about our age as a gift?

When we were in our 40s, my sister and I made up this game where we invented an algorithm that had the age-clock counting backwards until it reached 39, where it stayed forever. It was a ridiculous joke between two women trying to avoid what they thought was the inevitable decline of aging.

We’re both in our 60s now, and that algorithm died out long ago—along with the worries that our later years would find us diminished and decaying. My sister is studying silversmithing and enjoying an incredible passion for creativity and design, while I’m venturing into a new career as a blogger determined to show the world that beauty, vitality and opportunity do not age out when we hit a certain number of candles on our birthday cake.

Sixty is not the new 50. It's the gift of every year we've been lucky enough to live. Shout that from the mountaintops!

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HELL YEAH!

Check out this great read by motivational powerhouse Mel Robbins. In her latest book, “The Let Them Theory” Robbins helps us reframe our lives by letting go of what we can’t control and reclaiming what we can….like our language about aging vibrantly.

Check out the post by age and inclusivity enthusiast Courtney Jordana Burton on LinkedIn about The Power of Age-Inclusive Language.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT IT:

What are some of the ways you speak about aging that may be a result of negative stereotyping?

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