Make this Year about Action, not Outcome

A while back I went on a date with a very nice guy, former military, who introduced me to the term NATO.

At first, I thought we were diving into a conversation about the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, but no, he was sharing his thoughts about navigating online dating as a 60-something searching for that needle in a haystack. Spoiler alert, I wasn’t the needle he was looking for.

Still, meeting him and having a thoughtful conversation about dating in midlife was hugely helpful because it introduced me to a whole new perspective on   embracing the changes that come with living a full and fulfilling life in our later years.  

Make Action the Goal

NATO, he explained, stands for “not attached to outcome.” Put simply, it means taking action independent of an anticipated result and detaching emotion from action so that you are not weighted down by the need for specific results (good or bad.) In other words, doing the thing because something inside of you is saying, “Go for it,” while ignoring the message that often follows “What am I going to get out of it?”

From where I stand, it feels pretty impossible to completely disconnect from the hope of a positive outcome…even if those results may take years to realize. However, I find a great sense of relief in not allowing emotions, especially the negative ones like fear and frustration, to short-circuit my efforts in creating an exciting, interesting, and adventure-filled life in my sixth decade.  

Separating emotion from action is not a new concept. In the business world, there is plenty of discussion about “outcome independence” and managing the uncontrollable factors impacting one’s ability to achieve professional goals. It’s a skill that can easily translate from the professional to the personal, and ultimately to the joyous, sometimes scary task of midlife reinvention.

Planting Seeds, not Gathering Harvest

For me, practicing NATO means something new almost every day.  This morning it was about going to the gym regardless of the number on the scale. While lifting weights on a Wednesday will likely not give me a buff, beach body by Friday, at some point it will improve my ability to lift a carry-on into the overhead bin.

It also means saying yes to dates simply for the enjoyment of going out, trying new places, meeting new people and continuing to grow as a woman, friend, and potential mate. Without the attachment to outcome, Mr. Needle in a Haystack and I can split the check, share a hug and wish each other success on our separate journeys.

NATO is all about planting seeds, not gathering harvest. At midlife we’ve learned to have faith in sowing, because we have accumulated years of perspective.  We appreciate that growth, even at a snail’s pace, can still produce immeasurable abundance.

Momentum is what Matters

Practicing the NATO method did something really impactful for me around my fitness commitment. After years of stating that I would make weightlifting a priority (something all women of a certain age should consider) I routinely balked at the inconvenience of it all. Stopping by the YMCA after a long day of work, remembering to pack my gym bag, preferring to meet friends for happy hour—you name it, I had every excuse in the book.

Shifting away from outcome motivation (the holy grail of flat abs) meant creating a reasonable, at-home routine that I could do three mornings a week before my energy is zapped by the day’s work. I focus on each movement and appreciate the flexing of every muscle group with the knowledge that my overall health and fitness tomorrow, and 10 years from now, will be better for it.

Big Benefits Come from Consistent Action

As we continue moving forward in life without the stress of being driven by the need for immediate results, a big benefit comes from keeping the commitments we make to ourselves. Trusting that we will do what we say is a powerful fuel for growing into new areas in our midlife years. It also allows us to relax and enjoy the journey, knowing that unseen benefits still have impact in the long run.    

Releasing our attachment to outcome also helps in overcoming one of the biggest fears in life—the fear of failure—which keeps us from starting something. If we are not emotionally attached to the outcome, we have little fear of starting something new or unfamiliar.

So, with a nod of thanks to the guy who was felt I was not “a good fit” after all, I have a whole new approach to goal getting. By focusing on the process rather that the long range outcome, I’m creating a success every time I work out rather than depending on a long-range goal that may or may not happen. I’m focusing on consistent action and the opportunity to enjoy this amazing journey through life.  

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HELL YEAH!:

Have you had a chance to read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear? Even if you have, it’s worthwhile to revisit this book about the power of taking small steps toward success. He also has a great Masterclass course on the same.

Feel like streaking? Keep your clothes on! In the today’s world streaking has a whole other meaning—creating and recording a “streak” of self-selected actions that you can track through the MyStreak app available at your favorite app store. It’s instant gratification at your fingertips. You can also join groups of like-minded “streakers” for inspiration and accountability.

LET’S TALK ABOUT IT:

What are ways that you’ve “seeded” your intentions and aspirations?

What would it look like for your to skip the goal-getting and focus on taking action?